Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
