i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
