I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
