put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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