my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
