halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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