my soul wont recognize me after tonight
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
