i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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