Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
