There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
