Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
