Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize