So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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