You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
