sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
