I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
