out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
