drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
