god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
