in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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