She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize