Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
