so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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