kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
