Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
