I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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