People with herpes should wear stickers.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
