dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
well you can't waste a boner
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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