Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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