I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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