whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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