When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Less talking, more tequila
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
