woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
