i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
