we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
