She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
