His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
