Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
