Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
