At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
