I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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