I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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