He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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