She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
