Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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