if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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