He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
