My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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