then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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