Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
