totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
