Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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