is your mom at the bar?
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
