is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
