Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
