U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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