I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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