My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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