her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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