so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
