he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
