Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
