I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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