is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
