it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
