Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
