You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
