8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
