My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
you will always have a special place in my vag
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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