dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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