ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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