4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
