Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
