called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
