boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize