a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
