I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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