Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize