I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
