hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
