it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
