I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
