dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize