You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
