dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
