matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
