He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
