so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
