I think my fart just growled at me.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
