I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize