He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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