oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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