Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
