I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm really busy with my period
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