thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
