i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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