He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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