She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
