Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
