He asked to "fluff my boner.."
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize